Hold the bag? But, I just want a handful. I don’t want to hold the bag. If she wants me to hold the bag, then I don’t even want any.

These were the selfish thoughts in my head recently when my wife asked me to hold the bag of Cheese-Its. I had gone to reach my hand in the bag she was holding. She pulled back and then gestured for me to take the whole bag. She didn’t want to hold it anymore. She made it clear that if I want any Cheeze-Its, then I need to hold the bag. It shouldn’t have been a big deal, but my pride made it a big deal.

I know it’s silly and small. But, I was tired and not at my best. This just goes to show you how hostile we can become over even the smallest of issues. It’s our prideful human condition that triggers our hostile side. You’ve probably had similar arguments over where to eat for dinner. Such a small issue can become a overblown argument that yields bitterness and division.

No wonder then that we experience even greater hostility when it comes to the more important topics of our lives and culture. Health, sexual ethics, money issues, immigration, and the role of government are just a few issues that cause hostility to boil up in us.

We can recognize hostility in us by our “they” statements. “Can you believe what they are saying now?” “They are so _________.” “I wish they would just stop.”

Who is your “they“? Who causes your blood to boil at the thought of them and their opinions?

In Ephesians, Paul calls Christians to drop hostility and pick-up humility. Paul was encouraging the early church to love one another and follow the example of Christ. He wrote to them from prison in a non-Christian city, Rome. Although he had more reasons to complain about his “they“, he chose instead to teach the church about love and humility.

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Ephesians 4:1-3

Here are three keys to dropping hostility and picking up humility.

Recognize your own need for grace. When we get in touch with our own need for God’s grace, then our hostility melts away. How can I be hostile to others, when the Lord was so gracious with me?

Remember what Jesus said to the religious teachers about the woman caught in adultery? “Let him who is without sin among you cast the first stone” (John 8:7). Something powerful happens when we realize that we too need people to be patient with us. We drop our stones.

I experienced this the other day as a parent. I was frustrated with my children for not listening quickly. It took them so long to pay attention to my words. I had a short-temper. Then, later that day I did the same thing to my wife. She was speaking to me and caught me not listening. I was embarrassed, but quickly realized my hypocrisy. I was much more patient with my children the next time they took a while to listen.

Remember your true enemy. We easily forget that the devil is real and at work. His strategy is to sow division between us. He works subtly and his plan is for us to destroy one another. Staying alert to his schemes helps us avoid hostility and access humility.

The key to overcoming the devil’s divisive moves is to stay prayerful and stay in the Word. Prayer is key, because the Spirit guides us in righteousness, patience and love. Prayer is where we hear the prompts of the Spirit to slow down, be kind and reconsider our approach.

The Word is where Truth shapes our thoughts and hearts. The Bible is a lamp for our feet and illuminates the lies of the devil. How much time do we spend meditating on Scripture? More often we need to put down the social media soundbites, and pick-up our Bibles. Jesus overcame the devil in the wilderness by quoting the truth of the Scriptures. We too need it’s truths to be richly filling our thoughts so that we can overcome.

Lastly, follow Christ’s example. Christ loves his enemies. All of us were once enemies of God. But God’s grace is so good that he would forgive us and even go to the cross to die in our place. Likewise, we’re called to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. We’re called to love our “they”.

So, confess your hostility today. Do you have any hostility towards others pent up inside you? Perhaps you should take a moment to confess that to the Lord and lay it down. Trust him to distribute justice as needed, but you lay down your hostility.

Then, access humility by making the choice to be kind with your words and actions. Follow the example of Jesus who humbly served us and laid down his life for us. Spend time thinking about others and less time thinking about yourself. How can you serve your family, friends, and even your enemies?